Thursday, April 17, 2008

Dental Woes Continue and Last Meeting

I had my official official last session with my therapist the other day. It was interesting. We talked more about my writing, really, and how that has changed. See, when I first went, I was scared, really scared to write. I was scared that someone might find me, might challenge me, might try to pull me down.

I don't know how to say it really, but I think I have more confidence now. I'm still jumpy as hell, especially when stressed. Just the other day a co-worker bumped into me and man did I reach the roof, lol, they're learning though. It's a learning process for all of us. One guy has finally learned not to point around me, it really bugs me, just the whole unpredictable movement things. But when it comes to meeting people, I'm there. When it comes to trusting others, way better. And when it comes to my dreams -

Recently I've had a couple dreams about my mother. Both involve her coming into my apartment, moving in. One just had her renting the apartment above mine. In both I fought back. I was adamant to my landlord that she should not rent a place here, that I, a tenant in this complex for eight years who always paid would be out the door. In the other I kicked her out. I have control. Not that I want to run into her in real time.

Okay, I think I'm going to be all over the map today, I haven't written on here in a while and am not writing in word first. April 26th is the 'deathiversary' of my Penny, whom I wrote about before. My real mother. It's still hard that she's gone, I'm going up to her grave this weekend to leave pussywillows. I know it's a bit cliche, pussywillows for a cat, but I think it fits. If all goes well I'm going with a new friend I met, a non-online one. The online life is an easy escape, but I have to join the real world with the virtual.

Oh, and my dental woes continue, only now with my dental insurance used up, ugh. Now we're on to apico surgery, through the gum to get at a root. And this is all stemming from childhood dental work that was done wrong. Not even done wrong, they said it was partially completed and I was supposed to have it finished as a child. But through whatever happened I was always told it was a finished product, and it wasn't.

See, there is so much happening that can bring me to my past, but now I'm looking to a future. I have a future.



Rachelle said...

I can relate to dental woes! Oh, how I HATE the dentist.... right now I have two partial root canals, and three others that need to be done.
Oy, I keep putting it off, and no dental insurance for me either! Too expensive- shoulda married a dentist! Then I could have been freaked out all the time!
Woo-hoo! :))
You are doing great, keep up the good work!

Amel's Realm said...

CHEERS to having control, Vic! I really feel "victory" when reading this post. I feel ALIVE when reading this post. I SALUTE you. KEEP UP THE WONDERFUL WORK!!!

And yes, we do need non-virtual friends, too. :-))) That's one reason I like going to my course other than the obvious reason he he...

For someone so precious like Penny, I don't think anything is a cliche. :-)))

Keep us updated, OK, even if you don't write too often anymore. HUGS and enjoy spring!

Amel's Realm said...

Oh, about the dental thingie: hope you'll get it sorted out soon. I can imagine how uncomfy it is...going back and forth to the dentist.