Monday, August 20, 2007

The Wedding

Edmund Blair Leighton's "Till Death Do Us Part," 1878

I was working in the buying offices of a major NY retail fixture when I found out my brother was getting married. My mother informed me of the bridal shower and such, I don’t remember if I was invited or not. I do remember I sent her a gift. Being in the buying offices meant free goodies sometimes, so I walked over to the wedding buyer and got some big white chocolates in the shape of gorgeous wedding cakes and shoes and a book about the history behind all the wedding myths. It was really interesting, it talked about why the best man and maid-of-honor was started (so demons would mistake them for the bride and groom and possess them instead, leaving the happy couple to remain so. Remember that if you are ever asked to be in a bridal party – you are sacrificing your soul for your friend’s.)

I put them all together with a card and my mother convinced me to send it to her to give out at the bridal shower.

Later my brother called and I found out my mother had tossed the card I had included and added one wherein she wrote “To my favorite brother, despite everything I love you and you will always be my big brother, I miss you” or something really corny (and personal and not for her to write) along those lines. I did explain that that was NOT the card I sent, which was more of a wedding one. I think she also changed the wrapping paper as she didn’t think mine was ‘festive’ enough. However, his future wife had loved the chocolates and they were both perusing the book with great interest.

I got an invitation for the wedding and was planning on going. Then my mother called me.

“Honey, don’t be upset,” she said, “but I talked to your brother and he said he only sent the invitation out of politeness. He’d rather you don’t go. Actually, he is afraid you’ll ruin the whole thing so doesn’t want you there. He just didn’t want to talk to you, so asked I tell you.”

Well, if that wasn’t the be all. After all we’d been through, he didn’t want me at the wedding?

I had the chance shortly after that to really affect his wedding, be it in a good or bad way. I live in the land of MTV and received a call from them. I was in a high profile retail chain after all. They were casting for a makeover show. If there was an event I was to go to, and wanted a complete makeover, they would pay for it and then film the event. “This is my chance!” I thought. “I can show them I am somebody, I can show them that others want me even if my family doesn’t!” MTV casting liked the idea of me going to a wedding of estranged family members with camera crew and new designer clothes in my back pocket. Drama! Intrigue!

For a moment I seriously fantasized about accepting, how often do you get to be on camera? To have people cater to you? But then I thought rationally and outside the realm of revenge. This was my brother’s day, his future wife’s day. I would be trumping a bride on her wedding day, and didn’t think that was right. If they wanted a quiet peaceful day and thought that meant no me whatsoever, then let them have it.

The day of his wedding my best friend invited me to see Tony and Tina’s Wedding, an interactive off-Broadway play. She had some free tickets. I ended up leaving the ‘reception’ in tears, sad that my own brother didn’t want me at his and here the actors were making everyone feel so welcome. My friend was mad that I left her (the reception had free food, no one straight out of college would have left that!) but I think in the end understood.

A while later either I called my brother or he called me, the end of it is we talked. It turns out that my mother told him I refused to come to the wedding if I couldn’t sing at it, and that’s why I wasn’t there. In the end, we were both listening to my mother and believing her, and she lied to both. My brother said he had wanted his little sister there and never told our mother he didn’t want me there. She had once again lied to us both to keep my brother and I apart and her in power, even if it meant hurting us on what was to be a happy occasion.


Amel's Realm said...

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUSSSSS!!! Here I am with my blood boiling hot. I CANNOT believe what your Mom did to you and your brother!!!!! Unbelievable! That's just...sick. (sorry about the term, I just can't find an euphemism) And it doesn't make her "gain" anything anyway.

OK, on to a lighter note. About the best man and maid of honor...WOW! I never heard of that before. GOOD ONE!!! I shudder...being possessed by demons? No, thank you he he he...

Victorya said...

Yeah, even for her that was a real low blow. First off, changing my card? And she said she did that to try and bring us together, but then she worked so hard to pull us apart.

She is sick, so no worries about the term. The book was good - it talked about why there was a white runner on the ground and other things, all to do with fear of 'evil spirits'.

dawn said...

Your mom disgusts me,what a manipulative person. There nothing more to say about her. I did not know the thing about the wedding party oh my god they have my soul!! HEHEHE Anyway Vic have a great day

Amel's Realm said...

Yeah, that's the term for it: a real low blow indeed.

Ah, I think in Chinese wedding tradition there should also be a book on "superstition" like that as there're lots of rules: like Chinese people don't usually get married on a certain month as according to the Chinese calendar, during that month the spirits roam around or stuff like that.

Interesting!!! ;-D I don't know much about western wedding traditions except those I've seen in the movies: something new, something blue, something old, something borrowed???

Victorya said...

You have the right Amel - something old something new, something borrowed, something blue. Blue is a big anti-evil spirit color. And we're big on white here - for 'virginal qualities' and purity, which my friends tell me is for death in many other places.

And Dawn - yeah. The more I remember stuff she did, the more I realize a. I'm not her b. wow, what the hell did I live through?

Chewy said...


Just when I think you must have gotten all the horror stories out of your system... along you come with another.

Have faith in yourself.

Azhira said...


Don't have anything more profound to say than that. ;)

cherished79 said...

I know they gave birth to us, but we didn't ask for these people in our lives. Sorry you had to go through this; and to both you and your brother.

My mother also pulled a few 'mean spirited' things during my life - we are on good terms now, but I will never really forgive her for them. Forgive possibly, but NEVER FORGET. A sour taste still remains. Most of it was pointed towards me - my brother got off scot free.

Hurtful, needless stuff in our lives....garbage.

fishwithoutbicycle said...

My God that's manipulative. It dumbfounds me that an 'adult' can behave in this way. The manipulative way my own mother behaved used to drive me bonkers, I think a lot of it was having me when she was young, she was 19, and didn't really get a chance to grow up, but it was nothing like that, just small things. I think she's grown up a lot since. Best to you Victorya for having the courage to move out of reach of her orbit. F

Victorya said...

Yeah, I can't give the excuse of immaturity really - well - not age wise at anyrate as she was pushing 30 I think when I was born.

One of the things, besides this, that still really pisses me off is she stole my college letter jacket. I was on a sports team and paid for that jacket myself (okay, I had scholarship money that paid specifically for team clothes), and when I came home wearing it she took it and said it looked better on her anyway and I never got it back. Now I wonder if that's part of the reason I quit the team - it was taken away from me already.