Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Another Day, Another Dollar Before Taxes

Image Copyright: Victoryachasegoestotherapy.blogspot.com

Ugh. Times are so stressful right now that I'm avoiding talking about them and thinking of ways to avoid talking to my therapist about them - a wonderful sign. Avoidance, it's what I do best. It's one of the symptoms - the dream to run away, to just get out, to be safe with yourself alone.

Of course, the main thing I want to run away from is my impending surgery. I don't like being trapped or feeling broken. I feel broken enough as it is at times. I think 'differently,' 'act differently,' if people become inconsistent in their behaviours I think they are up to something rather than things may be happening in their lives that they are having trouble with. Now, for a while, I'll be holed up in my apartment with naught but ze internet to keep me company.

I'm also having a hard time switching 'brains' lately. I decided, since I'd be stuck all Rear Window in my house, to take an online writing course which I'm enjoying. However, I'm taking a real life finance course. This weekend, when I had homework due for both, it took a lot for me to switch from story mode to Financial Statement Analysis Mode. If nothing else, it proves the mode I should be in, that my brain wants to be in. Why must I suffer the slings and arrows of ballance sheets and vertical analysis?

Because I want to pay the rent.

Anyone out there want to be a generous sponsor like in the good ol' days? Heck, I'll dedicate my first published item to you. Artists should be free of the confines and shackles of finance so they may spend their time creating art. Art is the proof of existence of life.


Well, since I don't have the time to write as much as I'd like, I'm trying to 'write with my photos' as it were. I used to do this when I painted more often, take pictures and then use them to influence current work, much as Chewy has described her process (only she's a way better painter than I ever was). Now I'm doing that to try and keep ideas for future writing assignments.

So, what kind of story does the above look like to you?


Amel's Realm said...

Hey, Vic!

I'm SORRY to hear about your stress. :-((( BIG HUGS to you!

If you want, while you're recuperating in your apt, you can write me to my email addy.

About your trouble switching brains...hmmm...I've never experienced it, I think...well, I WOULD be your sponsor if only I had enough money!!!

I LOVE your photo, though, but my brain's too tired to think much of it. All I can say is that the first image coming to my brain about this pic is of someone taking a walk there to clear up his/her mind or reminisce about life...on a crisp night in autumn...while stargazing...mmmm...yummy thought!!! And then coming home refreshed after enjoying the wonders of the stars with a cup of hot chocolate...mmmm...

Victorya said...

That's pretty much what I was doing when I took the photo Amel :) Just trying to get some air into these lungs of mine. No stars though, just the twinkling of apartment lights.

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Hi Victorya, hang on in there. As for the story the photo makes me think of, I'm torn. I'm either going for slushy romance or murder mystery - there I go again, With we Geminis, there are always two sides ;-) Fish x

Victorya said...

lol, that's okay fish, that's what I see too :) Either a clandestine rendevous under the lamp light or a man in a trenchcoat and fedora smoking a cigarette as the water laps a body to the shore. :)

Liss said...

I seem to live that switching brain comment. Hi, i'm an accountant by day and a writer. Of course I've been 'stuck' for ages on the writing thing - it wasn't working, it wasn't flowing.

what side of your brain do you live on the most? I ask that because I live the most in my left brain. the analytical part of my noggin. To switch I have to find something to help me. With me, music is a way to trigger the right brain. For long time it was a combo of music and a few rounds of computer solitaire that would do it.

Victorya said...

Liss - I live on the creative side, whichever that may be, the most. Everytime I see a stray peice of paper I have to turn it into a bird, or ornament, or whathaveyou. One of the directors handed me a dollar for our lotto pool once, and as we talked it became a starfish. I tend to see everything as a raw material and my mind peices it together, turns it around, makes connections and patterns. My house is a mess.

So if music bridges you to the art world, what would bridge me out of it? Ben Stein reading a textbook? (I also have a lot of music on, loud, when I sit down to really write). I have to figure it out, maybe I should reread Flatland, at least a paragraph or two, to switch back to math.

quacks like a duck said...

I'm not sure which side I'm living in... very analytical... but I hate numbers and love words. I play text twist like games in my head all the time... I devour root words and creative ways to interpret vocabulary. (Should have been a linguist maybe). I always wished I could paint. I'm naturally good at math but hate it. Chemistry and Latin were fun for me for the exact same reasons... (order from chaos, everything must be equal on both sides of the equation in the end, except for the exceptions - and those are memorizable).

In your photo I'm very drawn to all the apartment lights. I like to imagine all the thousands of lives going along in their tiny insulated worlds.

Thanks for the warm welcome. It honestly makes me feel less lonely in the world to read your blog. I easily find myself feeling quite isolated... a virtual orphan.

Amel's Realm said...

Yeah, I could imagine you enjoying the fresh air...being alone with your thoughts...and the city...mmm...

Well, even without the stars, it still looks relaxing enough. ;-D

Victorya said...

Wow quacks, we do have a lot in common, huh? I've got 6 years of Latin under my belt and loved to lose myself in the consistency of numbers - always an answer, always a right way.

Definately glad to have you here :)

Amel - it is relaxing, I love living within walking distance of a park.

cherished79 said...

Vic: Thinking of you so much in your wee apt recuperating :) Rear Window (I love that movie - such a nail biter right to the end - I love old movies).

I do trade my hectic, fast paced day call-centre, customer serv day hat for my writing hat at night. Finding such solace keeps me going. I don't have to talk to idiots in the evening; just warm-hearted people via my blog.

Please write me @ e-mail anytime if you wish:

Take care.

CHEWY said...

I've been busy and in-between friends and family business - trying to keep up with making the blog rounds. Finally got round to yours.

I use to free-lance and always had to make sure I had enough money put away for quarterly taxes... and paying my own insurance. UGH! Lived paycheck to paycheck back then.

Your night shots are really awesome. Keep it up, if you have time. It's self-rewarding to have a creative hobby, such as photography, which brings pleasure. PLUS, for the time you're hunting for a shot, it's a private escape from stress. But you can't avoid necessary responsibilities.

Thanks for the mention and link.

Keep your chin up. Higs - Oops - Hugs.

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Er, surgery? Have I missed something here?? Ooooh, don't tell me about slings and arrows - mine are called kids! Every time I have the muse flowing, they off and want to be fed/collected/spoken to. Sheesh..

Hang on in there hon, nothing lasts forever. x

Victorya said...

Cherished - thanks for the thoughts! It's just preemptive worry/anxiety now - pre-op is first week in november, then the surgery. Originally they wanted to do it in September, but teh bosslady wanted me to push it back.

Chewy - thanks for the hugs and higs! I love 'em both :D I did used to do more photography than writing, and truth be told was exstatic when I made it into a group show at an NYU gallery way back when, it's nice to get back into it.

Shrink- nothing missed yet, in the future still. I have I think exactly a month to worry now, then my poor little foot gets cut open.